Sydney Half Marathon - Last Big Training Day Before the Taper

On the 6th of June 2004 I ran my first half marathon.

It was a dead flat course, in Christchurch, and at the time it was the hardest thing I had ever done.  I wasn't a runner and I remember well how much everything was hurting by the time I got to the finish line.  The official photo backs that up - I was a picture of pain and misery and I was experiencing the biggest challenge I had ever faced. But I did it and got a net time of 2:13:15.

Despite the difficulty and challenge, over the next 8 years, and with over a dozen half marathons under my belt, I never managed to crack that time.  I came close, with a couple of 2:17s and 2:18s, but more commonly I would come in anywhere between 2:20-2:30.

That was, until today.

Today was the running of the Sydney Morning Herald Half Marathon. At only 14 days before my A race, entering was a bit of a question mark, however Coach Dave was confident I could use it as a training day and still have time to recover.

So it was a to be a training day for me and a blowout of the cobwebs for St Pete.  The plan was to go at IM pace, take it easy and make sure I got nutrition and lead up right so I could finish feeling as fresh as possible.  Quietly I was targeting around 2:20 as a goal finish time.  St Pete, meanwhile, was going to take a break from plodding alongside me and go at his own pace for a change and meet me back at the finish.

Yesterday's pre-race rest day went well, albeit including a bit more activity than would normally be undertaken.  I had got home late-ish on Friday night so decided to flag the swim planned for that evening and do it Saturday morning instead.  I had an easy 30 minute spin on the wind trainer scheduled for Saturday so the schedule became light swim in the morning then bike in the afternoon.

The swim ended up turning into a 1km time trial and I was pretty happy with my time of 24:28.  Considering I was supposed to be taking it easy I was pleased to do a negative split and hard last 50m. We did virtually nothing during the rest of the day - went into town and pick up registration packs but that was it.  Did my light spin on the bike at around 4pm and then we had a light dinner (soup and roll) and it was lights out by 10pm.

This morning, then, the alarm went off at 4.45am - I had had a good sleep and we got up and I had mashed banana on toast for breakfast and we headed into town around 6.00am for a 6.45am start.  The weather was good - chilly but not too cold, and no wind.  We found the NRG club tent and dumped our bags and then headed down to the start.

There were wave starts so our group didn't get away until just after 7.00am, so there was a bit of waiting around, but it didn't worry me at all.  Finally we got going and the first 2km was downhill, so that was good for me - a chance to take it easy and allow the body to warm up properly (much better than an uphill start!).

My first km split was 6:06 which I was happy with - given the typical crush at the start which forces you to go good and slow.  The second km split came up  at 5:48 and I was thinking "that's a bit too fast". However I was feeling strong and I knew we had this downhill stretch and then a flat stretch before the first climb so I figured I'd stick with that pace if I could and make the most of the downhill/flat terrain.

That sort of pace continued for the next couple of kilometres and then we started getting some undulating stuff.  I was OK with it, though, continued running all the climbs and picking up water and Gatorade at every drink station.  I checked my time at the 10km mark and it was 1:01 which was stunning for me.  I realised I could do around 2:10 at that pace but did temper that with the thought that the wheels could fall off and so didn't get excited, just kept focusing on maintaining steady progress.  I didn't have any aches or pains but I knew my heart rate was relatively high so it was a real unknown as to whether I could maintain it for the second half.

At the 13km mark there was a Gu aid station so I picked up a Gu there and at that point the uphills were more frequent than the down as we started heading back to the start.  I had stopped tracking the kilometre splits by then, instead going by feel.  On the flats I was running strong, changing to a shorter stride for the climbs and then using the descents for a bit of recovery before picking up the pace again.

At around 17km we were back up by the start line and had one more loop away from the park to do, down into the Botanic gardens and back up again and this was starting to get hard.  There is one little steep climb there and so I told myself I could walk it, seeing as this was just a training run and I wasn't out to kill the legs.  However in the end I only ended up walking about 20m of it (less than a quarter of the climb) which didn't worry me.

I did my final time check at the 20km mark and the Garmin was saying 2:04 and I knew at that point that I was on for a PB.  Not sure how, but I managed to pick up the pace for the last 1100m (went from 6:36 pace at 20km to 6:21 for the final kilometre).  I crossed the line, stopped my watch, looked down, saw 2:11 and burst into tears (with happiness)!!!

Such a woman :)

Nothinz - a runner's best friend post-race

So, post-race, feeling great, considering.  A little bit of tiredness, but could have definitely carried on running.  We came back to Milsons Point, walked down to the pool and had a long soak in the spa.   I've got no major stiffness and feeling easily in the best shape after any half marathon I've done in the past, and especially after my maiden half marathon all those years ago!

All in all, with 14 days to go, I'm feeling in the best shape I've ever been.  No matter what, June 3rd is going to be a long day - even if it goes brilliantly I'll still be out there for 13-odd hours.  And anything can happen to put a dampener on things.  But with St Pete's never-ending support and Coach Dave's expert guidance I'm feeling ready to have a great day, no matter what Ironman decides to throw at me.

Today's events have been summed up quite aptly by St Pete (who, incidentally, had a fab day as well, smoking his race in 1:56:56):

I came, I saw, I kicked its arse

And I plan on doing that in a fortnight as well.

Why Do I Do This Year After Year?

Last Sunday my friend Bel became an Ironman.

In response to my congratulations, and while still hobbling around with stiff and sore legs, she said:

Thanks Toni! I appreciate all the rides we were able to do together. I don't know how you do this year after year.

Bel and I weren't able to ride together as much as I would have liked - bit of a bugger when you are training for two different ironman events and your training plans don't mesh that well.  But on Sunday, with a full ironman experience (and a pseudo-second one as well!) to draw on, I was mentally with Bel every step of the way and could feel her pain as St Pete and I followed her splits coming through on www.ironmanlive.com while she managed an amazing sub-13 hour finish in Ironman Australia.

But how do I do this year after year? Or more importantly, why do I do this year after year?

Bel thinks she is one of those "one and done" Ironmen.  She's ticked it off her bucket list and will now get back to her "normal" life knowing that she has achieved an amazing goal.

She might be right.

Or she might be wrong.

Once the aches and pains have worn off, once the fatigue has disappeared, will she start thinking about the race some more?  Thinking about what she could have done differently on the day?  How she might train differently in order to do a better time next time?

This is what ironman tends to do to you, and this is what it did with me.  It plays with your mind and keeps presenting you with all of these tantalising "what if" scenarios.   It creeps into your subconscious like a virus and before you know it you have full-blown 'flu and you're pressing the "payment" button on that 2013 entry.

Ironman is so big and so complex, that it's almost impossible to have a perfect day.  Most people think of it as a three-discipline sport (swim/bike/run).  Once you get into it, though, you realise that it is actually a six-discipline sport.  Yep - SIX disciplines to master in order to have the perfect day, the holy grail of ironman:

• swim
• bike
• run
• nutrition (if you don't get your food intake right on the day you will suffer big time or, worse, record a DNF)
• rest (rest and recovery are vital in allowing your body to build and repair after big sessions - yes, those weekend naps ARE a legitimate part of the training programme!)
• mind  (in training and on the day your mental preparation is key in getting you through the hard bits - and there will be hard bits.  As Macca once tweeted, you need to embrace the suck.).

So, in some respects, the challenge of mastering the entire sport is what brings me back time after time.  There is a huge sense of satisfaction to be gained from challenging myself and testing my limits.   There are good times and there are bad times and they are all just new ways of learning about your strengths and weaknesses.

And then there are the health benefits.  While people spend squillions of dollars on every diet book under the sun I've spent my adult life rebelling and then coming to terms with what works and what doesn't work in relation to my weight control.  At my worst I weighed 108kg.  I was eating what I wanted and exercising only on a limited basis - the odd mountain bike ride here or there and some dog obedience training were my excuses for an active life.  I finally got my act together and dropped 37kg with the help of Weight Watchers and, while it was just another weight loss program built on commercial interests, I did learn two important things: (1) I had to incorporate exercise back into my life permanently, and (2) that diets don't work - a diet is simply a temporary change to your eating habits.  If you are going to make a permanent change you must change your eating (and exercise) habits forever.

The discovery of ironman, then, has provided me with the perfect balance for my permanently healthy lifestyle.  It comprises three sports, so you never get bored with only training for one of them (and less likely to get injured through overtraining, too).  I adore one sport which also happens to be the biggest component (the bike), I'm OK with swimming (it's definitely something I've become more comfortable with over the last couple of years) and I have a love/hate relationship with running.  The volume of exercise is such that I can eat relatively normally and enjoy the treats without guilt when I've done a decent workout and still maintain a weight that I am usually happy with (man, that could be a whole other blog entry!).  OK, I'm not stick-thin, but I'm more of your front row prop rather than wing, so think solid rather than delicate!  But while I'm not a tiny athlete, I am strong and I can chug away for hours, like a solid, dependable diesel engine!  

I therefore seem to have a natural predisposition for going long and ironman ticks all the boxes and then some.  This sport has become a part of mine (and St Pete's) lives and I wouldn't have it any other way.

If Bel doesn't return to Ironman then I have absolutely no doubt that she will find many other challenging and rewarding goals to aim for.  In the meantime, I am so happy for her and pleased to have played a part, albeit a very, very, small one, in helping her reach her goal.

And that's what life is all about. 

Upping the Ante - 5 Weeks to IM Cairns

It's starting to feel like a long season.

I knew this time would come - and it has.  That stage where you are just ticking over your workouts, not feeling like there's any improvement, wallowing in a big sandpit of blah.  It happens every year and it happens to everyone.  Which is why it's so important to take time off after ironman - to refresh, replenish, refocus and repay (...your family for all the support they've given you!).

Before ironman, though, is not the time to be taking your foot off the pedal.  And so when I emailed Coach Dave last week and warned him that I needed a change he took notice.  I knew I was just going through a low spot and so my way of getting through it was to map out the final six weeks of training.  Just one more four week block, I told myself, and then a two week taper.

You can do this.

Coach Dave understood immediately and set to work mapping out my next four weeks, starting out with a solid three day training weekend designed to reacquaint myself with some long, solid stuff.  Friday, a 3.5km swim, Saturday a 120km bike and Sunday a 25km run.

You can do this...(eek!)

No, you CAN do this!  One day at a time, tick each one off and don't think about what's ahead.

So, Friday night.  End of the working week, and I'm down at the pool.  The sun has long gone and so have most of the crowds.  It's a great evening to be doing laps - great water temperature, the bridge and Luna Park shining down on us and I'm feeling strong and strangely fresh.  Lots of pull buoy drills and pull buoy/paddle drills and my shoulders are feeling the burn by the time I haul myself out of the water at 8.30pm.

North Sydney Olympic Pool - Perfect night for a swim

But it feels great and I have time for a quick dinner and brief chill out on the couch before heading to bed early.  Swim - nailed!

Early Saturday morning (and I mean early!) - the alarm goes off at 4.00am and I'm up, getting some breakfast down, and by 5.00am I'm riding across the bridge to Town Hall Station to pick up the train down to Caringbah.  Ahead of me is 120km of steady riding at Kurnell.  Focus on 90+ rpm cadence and getting nutrition right.  It's a bit chilly, although still not cold enough for arm warmers, shoe covers or gloves (read that and weep, Christchurch!).

Out at Kurnell I have plenty of company in the form of other triathletes - last weekend and this weekend it's been noticeably busier with tri bikes out in force, and fully kitted up with aero/deep dish and disk wheels.  Given Ironman Australia is now only a week away it seems everyone is out testing their race gear and Kurnell is the destination of choice when you want a decent stretch of time trial riding.

Watching the bike porn, however, didn't end up being the highlight of the day.  No, that came in the form of a scooter pacing two cyclists who obviously weren't out for an early morning cruise.  I first saw them heading in the opposite direction and then a little while later they flew past me like I was standing still.  One of the guys was in Specialized gear and on a Specialized bike and I figured that, with the motor pacing, it was obviously a pro - Macca or Crowie maybe?  I toyed with the idea of getting the phone out to try and get a photo, but they were going so fast I decided it would be a futile exercise.

Post-ride reward - a latte and slice of banana loaf for the train ride home

A quick website search when I got home, though, confirmed it was most likely Macca (triathlon and ironman legend, Chris McCormack).  He had tweeted about his training ride, and being motor paced for 70km at 55kmph with Paul Ambrose.  He also commented "#empty", which I thought was hilarious ... come on, he's a pro and getting to draft off a scooter - should have been a doddle!  Me, in comparison, did 120km solo - none of this wimpy drafting nonsense!!!

The ride went really well - great pace with an average of 29kmph which I was really happy with - with the race wheels on I am hopefully on target to achieve an ironman average of 30kmph and nail that 6 hour target I dream of.

And so dawned this morning.  A 25km run.  You can do it...

St Pete and I were up at 5.00am and in good spirits, ready to do a good steady run, focusing on finding my IM pace.  We had sorted out a good route, starting on the harbour bridge and heading across to the CBD, up to Hyde Park, up Oxford St to Anzac Parade.  Into Centennial Park for a lap before continuing back south along Anzac Parade to the University of New South Wales where we would head up the road to the top of campus and then come back down the middle back to Anzac Parade.  We would then retrace our route back home, excluding the loop around Centennial Park!

It was a great morning for a run.  We started just after 6.30am and by the time we got to Oxford St I had found my "pace" - slow and steady and hopefully a pace that I could hold for ironman.  Heart rate was good, around 145-155 - again, ideal for race day.  It wasn't all easy-going, though.  By the time we hit the 20km mark everything from the waist down was starting to hurt and so it was a bit of a grovel for the last 5km back over the bridge to the finish.

Grovelling is good practice, though.  Working through, and learning to ignore, the discomfort is part of the "fun"of ironman ... did I say fun?  Man, I'm sure going to curse those words at around 5.00pm Cairns time on June the 3rd!

In any case, as I lay on the floor with legs up on a chair, feeling ever so slightly shattered, I knew I had nailed the run.  And yesterday's bike.  And Friday's swim.

And that felt good.

No, it felt fantastic.

35 days to go and feeling iron-tough.

Dead Irongirl after 25km

Never Underestimate the Break

What a great few weeks.  Ironman is so big that people tend to be scared to take any time out for fear of losing crucial conditioning for their A race.  The fear of not achieving one's goals tends to have people training like their lives depend on it.

Indeed having a two week complete break away from training a little over two months out from Ironman Cairns would probably seem insane to many Type A ironman athletes.  And yet that's exactly what I've done.  And while it's obviously too soon to know what effect it will have on my results come June 2, my mental preparation has definitely improved.

At a time when I am supposed to still be in my off season and focusing on recharging away from the triathlon scene, I am looking forward to another ironman and committing 100% effort into each training session.

The last couple of weeks, then, have been full on - dominated by double workouts (morning/evening) so 5.00am alarms were the norm and epic rides to make things interesting.  What follows then are some of the highlights of the last couple of weeks:

1. Running home from work.  My trip from home to work usually requires a train and bus ride, and takes about 45 minutes, depending on traffic and the number of students who wish to share the journey on a particular day.  I worked out, however, that with a bit of forward planning, I could easily run home from work a day or two a week to add a bit of interest.  It is around 9.5km and involves a slight incline for the stretch along Anzac Parade to the top of Oxford St, followed by a descent down to Circular Quay before climbing up and over the harbour bridge to Milsons Point on the other side.  It's an interesting run, with plenty of scenery changes along the way and the second time I did it I added a 5km loop around Centennial Park turning it into a 14.5km run.

2. Swimming with modified paddles.  One of the hardest things to get used to since moving to Sydney has been the prohibition placed on paddles by all of the pools.  One of the ironman coach's great swim aids is paddles, used to add resistance to your stroke and thus power.  However it seems that people can't be trusted not to clonk each other on the head with them and so, unless you are in a privately hired lane (i.e. in a swim squad) you aren't allowed to use them.  So I've muddled along, quietly ignoring the swim program instructions whenever they mention paddles.  That was, until last week, when I found webbed gloves at the pool shop.  These are a pseudo paddle in that they provide some resistance to your stroke but are made of stretchy fabric so won't do any damage if you hit someone over the head with them.  The worst thing about them - well, have you ever tried to put on wet knickers?  Yep, easy to get on when dry, a nightmare when wet...

3. The Epic Club Run.  Last weekend St Pete and I joined Northside Running Group.  A great bunch with the same culture and philosophy of the club we left behind, the Christchurch Marathon Clinic.  Their open day was down at Balmoral Beach and, because it was too early for the buses, we decided to run there and then bus back.  Of course going anywhere from Milsons Point requires scaling the proverbial mountain and so that's what we did.  Except Balmoral Beach is at the base of another proverbial mountain.  So it was a 6km run up hill and down dale and then we started on the actual club run, another up and down affair.  Such a scenic route, however: around to Chinaman's Beach, up the hill to Mosman, down past Taronga Zoo and down to Bradley's Head where we followed the walking track along the coastline to Chowder Bay before heading back over the hill and dropping back down to Balmoral Beach. All up 19km ... the bus ride home was bliss!

Team Roadworks - the Epic Ride

4. The Epic Ride.  Why do a 3 hour ride when you can do over 6 hours?!!  An opportunity came up to join iron virgin Bel on her 140km big ride and so (with Coach Dave's blessing) I ditched my program and joined her and the gang for an epic day through some roadworks, out to Parramatta, up to Berowa and back.  2200m of climbing (thanks Sydney!), 125km and 6hrs 14min later, and I was ready to do a spot of channel surfing from my favourite couch.

5. The Solo Epic Ride.  I now know my initiation as a Sydneysider is complete.  On Saturday I successfully negotiated my first solo ride from home to a completely new destination, with only my iPhone and Google maps for guidance.  Woohoo!  I headed north with the aim of reaching Palm Beach, a settlement at the end of a peninsular around 40km north of home.  It was a great day for a ride and once I got out of the main city area (and the traffic volumes lowered considerably), the scenery just got better and better.  Palm Beach is gorgeous and obviously a great spot for surfing.  On my way back, however, I took a wrong turn.  A major fork in the road gave me a choice of heading towards Dee Why or Sydney.  I wanted Sydney and so veered right however soon realised my mistake.  Never mind, I thought, this road is going to Sydney so I may as well see where I end up.  It ended up being a gem of a road - it was the Wakehurst Parkway which wends its way around the northern side of Narrabeen Lakes.  Flat(ish), smooth, forest-covered, and it eventually brought me right back to the Spit Bridge at Manly - familiar territory.  83km ticked off in 27degrees - whew!  A quick text home once I crossed over the Spit Bridge ensured I had an ice-cold home made banana smoothie waiting in the fridge for me when I got home.  St Pete truly is a saint!

6. The Ton.  To complete the weekend I needed to tick off a total of 200km riding.  Saturday's solo epic ticked off 84km, so I just had to do 116km on Sunday and so joined Bel for a drive down to Brighton Le Sands to do a flat ride.  We were joined by Mark, a fellow Ironman NZ 2011 finisher, for a flat-ish ride that included a couple of loops out to Kurnell, a tour of Cronulla and then an expedition across and through Miranda and Gymea.  All up we managed to tick off 100km and managed to take in some great scenery of the coastline at the same time.  And because I'm hardcore (a.k.a. a nut!) I got home and jumped on the wind trainer to finish off the final 16km and seal my 200km goal.

So, that's been the last couple of weeks.  Training has been hardcore, but I have no doubt I've coped better than usual thanks to my 2 weeks off.

Never underestimate the break.

Hardcore

Doing ironman is hardcore.

That was pointed out to me a week ago when a colleague at work found out what I spend my time outside work doing.  "F**k, that's hardcore" were his exact words - not that he was beating about the bush or anything...

I got a similar response (although not so graphic!) when St Pete and I joined local running club, Northside Running Group a couple of weeks ago.  As I settled into the "back of the pack" and casually mentioned my ironman background it immediately became clear that they expected me to run the socks off them and be some sort of elite athlete.  I'd then have to spend the next 5 minutes assuring them that I am a tortoise ironman rather than a hare!

And last week I entered Ironman New Zealand 2013.  Yet again, I got a reality check.  The first time I entered, making that commitment to the first one was a real defining (and excitrifying) moment.  This year the reality check came with the question on the entry form that asked how many ironman events I had done.  As I read the question I realised that 2013 will be my 4th ironman.  4th!!  Hard to believe I have now entered my 4th and when I tick that off I will be a third of the way to an automatic lottery spot at Kona via the Legacy Program.  I might not be the fastest, but an automatic lottery spot in Kona is definitely reserved for the hardcore.

Despite being hardcore, I still enjoyed having two weeks off before getting back into training for Cairns, and that time out seems to have been a real tonic.  I'm feeling stronger, recovering better, and haven't gained any weight since Taupo - bonus!

Not only am I feeling strong, I'm also feeling more determined.  While riding with iron virgin Bel and fellow IMNZ 2011 finisher, Mark, this weekend we ticked off 100km together.  However at the end I was 16km short of my scheduled 200km total (over two days).  It was getting late in the morning and traffic where we were was pretty manic and so rather than play russian roulette with three lanes of vehicles in the Shire, we headed home and I jumped on the wind trainer for half an hour to finish the job off.

So while I am definitely no elite athlete (those hips and thighs aren't going anywhere soon!), I guess I am hardcore, and a bit of an ironman junkie.  Groupies welcome :)

Hardcore solo ride to Palm Beach

What a Difference a Week Makes

A lot can happen in a week.

This time last week my season was over and I was into my second week of getting St Pete's and my life back to some sense of normality.  We were doing fun weekend stuff, I had caught up on sleep and we were enjoying our evenings after work not having to schedule everything around training.  I had taken the option of doing Ironman Australia (Port Macquarie) off the table and was satisfied with that decision.  I had had a good season, finished off IMNZ (albeit a 70.3) in good shape and was starting to think about IMNZ 2013.

And then on Friday afternoon the email from IMNZ arrived in my inbox, setting out the promised options for those of us wanting to do a replacement ironman event.  As I cast my eyes down the list I saw the expected IM Australia but then also saw a second Australian option.

Ironman Cairns.

Within the previous couple of days, WTC had announced it had bought the events management company that ran the Challenge Cairns event and the resulting fallout of that would mean that Challenge Cairns would become Ironman Cairns in 2012. And I could do that event for much less than I was expecting the discounted prices to be.

I didn't think too much more about it other than to confirm to St Pete that the price of entry did mean I was tempted, but by the end of the day St Pete was suggesting that I give IM Cairns serious consideration.

So, like a good Irongirl, I did!

Over the weekend we did a review of the likely costs involved and then had a long Skype conversation with Coach Dave to make sure that, after a two week complete break, he was confident I had time to pick things up and have a decent crack at it. We agreed that there was no point pressuring myself to get up for Port Mac, however the extra month available for Cairns made it a definite starter.

One casualty out of the decision was the New York marathon. We were confirmed in a New Zealand group to head over in November to do this iconic event. However we couldn't afford to do both. In the end it we decided we had been to New York before and the marathon would always be there to do in the future. In contrast, Cairns was a new destination for us and this was a one-time opportunity for me to finish a not quite perfect season on a high note (or on a much better note than it currently was!).

It will also give me a third IM "finish" which could be valuable if I ever get to the stage of securing a Kona spot via the "12 finishes" pathway!

So, within the space of a week, this Ironman junkie has her name down for Ironman Cairns and training is back on...74 days to go ... excited!

Ironman New Zealand 2012 - Dealing with Disappointment

Ironman is always teaching you something new.

No matter how well you think you have this event sorted, something will come along and challenge you like you've never experienced before.

This year that challenge came in the form of the weather. The approaching storm left the organisers with no choice but to cancel the race, only 12 hours before our alarm clocks were set to wake us for our epic day. That they were able to put on a half distance the next day was phenomenal, and all kudos to the New Zealand crew and the World Triathlon Corporation (WTC), owners of the Ironman event, for making it happen.

In the 36 hours leading up to our eventual start time, then, I remained positive and focused on preparing to have a good race, no matter what the distance. My main thought and sympathies were for the first timers who had had their maiden ironman journey taken away from them. From a personal perspective, I was in a fortunate position and, if anything, more relaxed going into the revised distance.  A 70.3 was almost "just" a training day for me.  I had a few of those under my belt, including one in Wanaka just 6 weeks ago, so I could go into this with more confidence and push things a bit more.

What I wasn't expecting, though, was to feel so down about things afterwards. During the run I hit a couple of low spots where it seemed my heart just wasn't in it and that undoubtedly caused me to walk more than I wanted or planned. Then once I had finished and in the days afterwards I would occasionally get caught unawares and find myself in tears, for no obvious reason, struggling to embrace the positives. 

I had trained hard all year - we had overcome so many obstacles to get me to the start line and here was this freak of nature event that would prevent me from finishing our own annus horribilus on a high note. It may sound trite, but it really seemed like I was going through a grieving process for the ironman I had "lost".  My head was saying all the right things, and my head had been fully in control prior to and during virtually all of the race, but afterwards my heart took over and I did feel the loss.

So how did I deal with the disappointment?

I ended up doing a couple of things.

One of those was a "brain dump" to Coach Dave.  One of the great things about a coach is their ability to maintain an external, big picture, perspective on things when you're incapable of thinking at all rationally.  And this became a really valuable exercise.  I put down all the positives and all the challenges in an email to him trying to make sense of it all.  And this is what I came up with:

Positives:

• I’ve done an Ironman before. This year wasn’t about proving my ability to do the distance. I am an ironman and that will never change.
• For me, training for ironman is a lifestyle, a life-long journey.  This wasn't a one-time, tick it off your bucket list, event.  I love the sport and plan on doing it for many years to come.
• Based on the previous statement, there will be more ironman finishes in the future.  Long term this will be just a blip and in 5 years time we'll look back on this as "the year of the weather bomb" and just one of those things that happens.
• Despite doing a shorter distance, my age group performance has improved by about 20% on last year.

Challenges I Need to Deal With (Why I'm Struggling to Stay Positive):

• My training/tapering/lifestyle had been focused around completing the IM distance. This didn’t happen and so the year seems somehow incomplete.
• The focus on training had been all around the season finishing (albeit for a short time!) in March and April providing an opportunity to have a break, give something back to St Pete, enjoy life and Sydney for a bit before getting back into it and looking towards next year. Even though I had a hard race and feel like I need a break, I don’t really feel it’s right, because I haven’t yet done the “A” race I was aiming for.
• After crossing the finish line of an ironman, you walk around with a real sense of satisfaction, knowing you achieved your goals. This time around I don’t have that same sense of satisfaction (despite the positives above).

What do I need to do about it?

• Get over it! Seriously, though, I know it's just a matter of time. I’m feeling flat, exhausted (and occasionally emotional) now, but that will pass, especially as I start to look towards next year.
• Ironman Port Macquarie? There may be an opportunity to do an ironman event at a discounted rate and Port Macquarie could be an option, in May.  It means extending the training year for another 8 weeks. It will give me my “A” race for the season. But, based on the positives above, what have I got to prove? Without even considering the likely cost of adding an unplanned (major) event to the calendar, do I actually “need” to do it to feel better about things?

By getting out the positives and negatives I was able to clarify my thoughts but, most importantly, I gave myself permission to be down for a couple of days.  I was physically and emotionally exhausted and I needed to go through that process.  Plus I knew it was a temporary state of mind, which would only be made worse if I tried to fight or suppress it.

And I got the feedback I needed from Coach Dave - love your work, D :)

I also took a huge weight off my mind by making the decision not to do Port Macquarie Ironman.  Pete had already proved his position as best support crew in the world, bar none, by not hesitating in saying that if I wanted to do Port Mac then he would make sure it happened.  (How many spouses would do that?!!!!  He so deserves my IM medal!)  But March was my end of season, and I needed to give myself (and St Pete) a break from training.  Adding another 8 weeks to the year, while possible, wasn't going to achieve anything long term in the scheme of things and Pete deserved to have me back for a few weeks before we started looking towards next season.

The second thing I did was review my results for the two half IM distances I had done this season and, by doing so, identified concrete outcomes that confirmed the year's efforts hadn't been wasted.  Online calculators were found and spreadsheets were created (yes, typical Type A personality/Ironman behaviour!) which gave me back a sense of control and understanding of the season and my performance.

And sure enough, by the middle of the week, I found myself looking to next year.

My mind had started mulling over what had gone well (in terms of individual disciplines/splits), what hadn't met my expectations, and possible focus points leading to Ironman New Zealand 2013. That analysis is for the next blog, but it is a sure sign that I have moved on and have well and truly left any disappointment behind.

Fab!