Ironman New Zealand 2012 - Dealing with Disappointment

Ironman is always teaching you something new.

No matter how well you think you have this event sorted, something will come along and challenge you like you've never experienced before.

This year that challenge came in the form of the weather. The approaching storm left the organisers with no choice but to cancel the race, only 12 hours before our alarm clocks were set to wake us for our epic day. That they were able to put on a half distance the next day was phenomenal, and all kudos to the New Zealand crew and the World Triathlon Corporation (WTC), owners of the Ironman event, for making it happen.

In the 36 hours leading up to our eventual start time, then, I remained positive and focused on preparing to have a good race, no matter what the distance. My main thought and sympathies were for the first timers who had had their maiden ironman journey taken away from them. From a personal perspective, I was in a fortunate position and, if anything, more relaxed going into the revised distance.  A 70.3 was almost "just" a training day for me.  I had a few of those under my belt, including one in Wanaka just 6 weeks ago, so I could go into this with more confidence and push things a bit more.

What I wasn't expecting, though, was to feel so down about things afterwards. During the run I hit a couple of low spots where it seemed my heart just wasn't in it and that undoubtedly caused me to walk more than I wanted or planned. Then once I had finished and in the days afterwards I would occasionally get caught unawares and find myself in tears, for no obvious reason, struggling to embrace the positives. 

I had trained hard all year - we had overcome so many obstacles to get me to the start line and here was this freak of nature event that would prevent me from finishing our own annus horribilus on a high note. It may sound trite, but it really seemed like I was going through a grieving process for the ironman I had "lost".  My head was saying all the right things, and my head had been fully in control prior to and during virtually all of the race, but afterwards my heart took over and I did feel the loss.

So how did I deal with the disappointment?

I ended up doing a couple of things.

One of those was a "brain dump" to Coach Dave.  One of the great things about a coach is their ability to maintain an external, big picture, perspective on things when you're incapable of thinking at all rationally.  And this became a really valuable exercise.  I put down all the positives and all the challenges in an email to him trying to make sense of it all.  And this is what I came up with:

Positives:

• I’ve done an Ironman before. This year wasn’t about proving my ability to do the distance. I am an ironman and that will never change.
• For me, training for ironman is a lifestyle, a life-long journey.  This wasn't a one-time, tick it off your bucket list, event.  I love the sport and plan on doing it for many years to come.
• Based on the previous statement, there will be more ironman finishes in the future.  Long term this will be just a blip and in 5 years time we'll look back on this as "the year of the weather bomb" and just one of those things that happens.
• Despite doing a shorter distance, my age group performance has improved by about 20% on last year.

Challenges I Need to Deal With (Why I'm Struggling to Stay Positive):

• My training/tapering/lifestyle had been focused around completing the IM distance. This didn’t happen and so the year seems somehow incomplete.
• The focus on training had been all around the season finishing (albeit for a short time!) in March and April providing an opportunity to have a break, give something back to St Pete, enjoy life and Sydney for a bit before getting back into it and looking towards next year. Even though I had a hard race and feel like I need a break, I don’t really feel it’s right, because I haven’t yet done the “A” race I was aiming for.
• After crossing the finish line of an ironman, you walk around with a real sense of satisfaction, knowing you achieved your goals. This time around I don’t have that same sense of satisfaction (despite the positives above).

What do I need to do about it?

• Get over it! Seriously, though, I know it's just a matter of time. I’m feeling flat, exhausted (and occasionally emotional) now, but that will pass, especially as I start to look towards next year.
• Ironman Port Macquarie? There may be an opportunity to do an ironman event at a discounted rate and Port Macquarie could be an option, in May.  It means extending the training year for another 8 weeks. It will give me my “A” race for the season. But, based on the positives above, what have I got to prove? Without even considering the likely cost of adding an unplanned (major) event to the calendar, do I actually “need” to do it to feel better about things?

By getting out the positives and negatives I was able to clarify my thoughts but, most importantly, I gave myself permission to be down for a couple of days.  I was physically and emotionally exhausted and I needed to go through that process.  Plus I knew it was a temporary state of mind, which would only be made worse if I tried to fight or suppress it.

And I got the feedback I needed from Coach Dave - love your work, D :)

I also took a huge weight off my mind by making the decision not to do Port Macquarie Ironman.  Pete had already proved his position as best support crew in the world, bar none, by not hesitating in saying that if I wanted to do Port Mac then he would make sure it happened.  (How many spouses would do that?!!!!  He so deserves my IM medal!)  But March was my end of season, and I needed to give myself (and St Pete) a break from training.  Adding another 8 weeks to the year, while possible, wasn't going to achieve anything long term in the scheme of things and Pete deserved to have me back for a few weeks before we started looking towards next season.

The second thing I did was review my results for the two half IM distances I had done this season and, by doing so, identified concrete outcomes that confirmed the year's efforts hadn't been wasted.  Online calculators were found and spreadsheets were created (yes, typical Type A personality/Ironman behaviour!) which gave me back a sense of control and understanding of the season and my performance.

And sure enough, by the middle of the week, I found myself looking to next year.

My mind had started mulling over what had gone well (in terms of individual disciplines/splits), what hadn't met my expectations, and possible focus points leading to Ironman New Zealand 2013. That analysis is for the next blog, but it is a sure sign that I have moved on and have well and truly left any disappointment behind.

Fab!

Avoiding Complacency

One of the biggest dangers about repeating an event, I've found, is complacency.  The first time you do something you train really hard for it.  You have a goal to achieve (to finish) and you want to make sure you're well prepared.  That was certainly true for ironman.  Everything I did the previous year leading up to it was all about getting me to the finish line and the fear of failure provided part of that motivation.  Training was rarely missed and Dave's programmes were followed almost to the letter.

This time around, though, I don't have that fear of the unknown to deal with and train for.  I know I can do it.  I've done it before.  And that's where complacency sets in and before you know it you're going slower at your next event, not faster.

So to get around that, to avoid complacency, I've set new goals with Coach Dave.  And while Dave believes they are realistic goals, they're ambitious enough that they should keep the pressure on and keep the big C out of the picture.

My goal for 2012 then?  To take 2 hours off my 2011 time.
Yep, that's right ... 2 hours.

And the plan is to achieve it by doing the following:

Swim - 15 minutes
- stronger pull action
- increase stroke rate (faster swim stroke)

Bike - 1 hour
- more hill work
- continue focusing on high cadence
- St Pete buys me new time trial bike (!)

Run - 45 minutes
- increase fuel intake on the bike to avoid bonking on the run (Based on what I recall taking in on the bike Dave thinks I simply bonked on the run - because I hadn't eaten enough during the bike leg)
- focus more on maintaining pace rather than timed workouts 


It's going to require more aggressive training but I'm up for it.  Should be an interesting year!

A Rare Quiet Week

The road to ironman isn't always training, training, training.  Occasionally I get the odd quiet(er) week, and how enjoyable it is.  It provides a valuable opportunity to catch up on sleep, reacquaint myself with St Pete and stay in touch with the idea of NOT training, something that Ironman finishers have a bit of a problem with after the event...(called the post ironman blues).

This week has been one of those quiet weeks and, while I know it won't last, I've been enjoying it all the same.  Monday the unthinkable happened - no training!  Tuesday was the toughest day, with a 2600m swim, followed up on Wednesday with an easy 40 minute spin on the wind trainer and then tonight, an easy 30 minute run around Hagley Park.

Despite being an easy week, Tuesday's swim proved to be a bit of a challenge.  Not because of the distance, but because of the people!  While reorganising my working day I decided to do my swim at 4.00pm rather than the usual lunchtime session.

Big mistake.

Jellie Park is a great facility - it has two indoor 25m pools meaning they say that they will always have lane swimming available.  Always having lane swimming available, though, seems to be an almost debatable concept when, out of 16 possible lanes, only 2 are actually available.  Being after school, the sports pool (the 2m deep one) was completely unavailable due to the swim squads while the recreation pool (the shallower one) had two lanes blocked off for kids to play in and another 4 lanes booked for lessons.  That meant we lane swimmers were squeezed between shouting, yelling, splashing kids on one side and classes of 15 or so kids having lessons in the lane on the other side.

Of the two available lanes one was being used by people walking up and down the lane leaving one lane available for those of us actually wanting to swim.  So you can see where this story is going.  During the time I was there there were no fewer than 5 other people in the lane with me, all doing different strokes and different speeds.  And of course I had all my paraphenalia which provided its own challenges.  While the pull buoys and fins aren't so bad, doing 500m with the paddles is an interesting experience when you're trying to (a) not hit the lane rope next to you and (b) not whack the swimmer(s) heading in the opposite direction.

On the upside I had great practice with dealing with all sorts of distractions, gobsful of water and others swimming in close proximity to me.  All good things to get used to for ironman.  On the downside, it wasn't a good quality swim.

Next week I have "swim camp" - four days of two swim sessions each day.  The original plan was to go before and after work.  After Tuesday's experience, however, I've revised that plan and will now go before work and lunchtime.  Hopefully 6.00am won't be so manic!

Getting ready for swim camp also required some new gear - as if I didn't have enough already!  While I do have a complete set of gear, the time has come for a second swimsuit and towel (yet another couple of items for the Tardis!).  So it was off down to Rebel Sport and I now feel very patriotic in my black Speedo endurance swimsuit...

The quiet week will soon come to a close, and there was a good reason for the relative slothfulness. Tomorrow (Friday) is another rest day and one I will make the most of as, this weekend, is an epic bike ride to Hanmer Springs, a distance of just under 300km over the two days.

Watch out for the update on Monday - assuming I survive!